Tigerfang, warrior

Furcadia Login Name: tigerfang
Preferred Warrior Name: tigerfang
Desired Clan: stormclan
Desired Ranking: warrior
Desired Character Age: 40 moons
Gender: male
Reference Photo:


Physical Description: tigerfang is a light orange tom tabby with dark orange stripes and moonlight yellow eyes, he calls himself Tigerfang cause of the strong pride he carries with him...along with how he resembles a tiger from a few cat tails away...he is also quite agile in both water and on land just like a tiger, and how his bite is worse than his hiss,
Furcadia Description: a male orange tabby, stormclan warrior
Summarized Description: a male orange tabby warrior from Stormclan
History: as a kit, he was a streamclan cat... he had recently finished his training just yesterday, but as he was swimming to catch prey, a strong current swept him up, and a twoleg rescued him...he grew up for 12 moons before he escaped one last time indefinitely (he did it a few times to prevent him from going to the cutter when the twolegs planned it) to prevent him from going to the cutter which was coming to his twoleg abode...he was a rouge for 2 moons before he rediscovered his heritage...but instead of finding his old home...he only found remnants of the past...so he set off to find out what happened to his clan...the only clues being the twoleg contraptions that seemed all too familiar...like the twolegs his owner lived with used them when he was a kittypet...
Personality: very friendly towards others, but will be violent and threatening if provoked, he loves to talk as well...talking about anything from his past to what he likes, he loves to explore unknown places...which sometimes gets him into trouble...
Website (if applicable): N/A
Sample roleplay post: Tigerfang is paddling in the river, focused despite his efforts to create enough upward force to keep him from drowning, and spots the silvery shine of wet scales swerving under the water, then dives like a rabbit dives into a hole to hide from predators, and with one swift snap from his fangs, he has the first catch of the day. Tigerfang makes his approach to the riverbank and begins to wade out, shaking off as he drops his catch, and repeats to himself one of his favorite sayings he made up. "catch a warrior a fish...they eat for a day...teach a warrior to catch a fish...they eat for a lifetime" after he grooms himself as an extra precaution to get the water off, Tigerfang then goes to retrieve his catch from the sandy riverbank and start to trot off towards the remnants of his old clan camp...only to sense new smells and catch movement within the old camp. 'was that a cat?' he thought. "in all the stars...who is using the territory of streamclan?" he mutters through the prey in his mouth.

9 comments

Comments (9)

Leafie

Aug 22

moved to unacceptable applications due to inactivity

Nathaniel Simmons

Jan 25

ok, thank you for the advice, Mela (or i assume shes known as Leafie here) told me to use grammarly to write posts before submitting them, so i think i can fix the grammar part, but the more sophisticated writing if a roleplay post i shall work on while roleplaying, i'm still learning. i've come a long way to reach this point of being a good roleplayer, and i only plan on getting better, but i'll make sure to improve upon my posts. as for the whole being a kittypet with twolegs...well, i based my OC off of my cat, and well...hes an escape artist, so ofc i'm gonna say his twoleg owner "let" him out when in reality he escaped himself.

Edited

Lepismatidae

Jan 28

Replying to

I'm sorry, I hadn't realized the application had been updated. Above I was replying strictly to your comment and not any new information.

That said, very little change seems to have been made. Ignoring the other sections for now and focusing on the roleplay post I used as an example, with your updates I see only that "...shaking off..." has become "... shakes off..." and no other changes. I have shown you what sort of changes would need to be made to elevate that section to an approvable level. None of the example changes were acknowledged or utilized. I'm sorry that you are frustrated about making "change after change," but altering a single word and adding a space isn't exactly what was recommended.

Here is an explicit list of the kinds of changes I made in that area in case that is helpful to you:

Capitalization of the first word of a sentence
Capitalization of names (tigerfang -> Tigerfang, streamclan -> StreamClan)
Capitalization of the pronoun "I"
Removal of excessive ellipses and replacement with appropriate punctuation
Correction of incomplete sentences

Regarding character history, I am going to need to discuss with Leafie a little more in-depth about exactly how long ago the former clans existed. When I said "significantly older" I meant much more than one year older. It is likely he would be a fully matured adult at this point or even senior by clan standards, but I would like to have a definitive agreement from my co-owner before we suggest another change there.

Edited

Nathaniel Simmons

Jan 29

Replying to

i'll see if i can't run the sample roleplay post through grammarly again,cuz i feel like it never really changed anything. i'll make sure to use those recommendations if grammarly leaves anything out though

Nathaniel Simmons

Jan 29

Replying to

ok,i used your example rewrite of my sample roleplay post and used the list of changes you wanted to see,along with digging up some writing skills from a while back i haven;t been able to use.oh...and grammarly didn't help at ALL. i'll wait for a reply on how exactly old my character needs to be...if he has to be a senior,then i am fine with that, tigerfang doesn't plan on retiring until he either has something serious making him unable to fight,or till hes shed his last drop of blood, which then "retiring" has a whole 'nother meaning. hell i bet even if he went blind in both eyes he'd still stay a warrior, he'd just rely on his other senses more to help him, this idea kinda reminds me a bit of the marvel character daredevil, but don't worry, i don't plan on using anything from the twoleg world in roleplay, at least anything the clans wouldn't have any knowledge of...anything they do though i will make sure to call the appropriate name the clans call them.

Lepismatidae

Jan 25

Hello! While I can see a good foundation here, I have a few things to go over on this application before you/it will be ready for the continuity and I would love to see you build upon it so that you can enjoy yourself in our dream.

Character history
- The former clans were lost/disbanded much longer than 18 months ago. Your character would be significantly older if that plotline were to be allowed. - Because Tigerfang did not complete his apprenticeship, he would not be eligible for a warrior rank until he completed training. Apprenticeship begins at 6 moons, plus 12 moons as a kittypet means he could be no further than 6 moons into training (and given that he spent an unspecified length of time as a rogue prior to joining the clans, this time continues to dwindle). The average apprentice is trained for 8 to 15 moons before achieving the skills required to become a warrior. - Having been raised to apprenticehood in a clan, Tigerfang would have been old enough to understand naming conventions and would hopefully have enough respect for the clan laws to adhere to them. He would likely still use Tigerpaw or a kittypet/loner name until earning his warrior name. Regardless, having been a kittypet a majority of his life, he would not have the full training and experience of a warrior and once he joined the new clan he likely would keep or receive a non-warrior name until his training was complete. I'll let StormClan's leader make the ultimate ruling on that, though. - I'm not able to follow the storyline regarding the twoleg family and how Tigerfang was able to escape, so I'm not really able to comment on its feasibility or how well it would fit into the continuity. I'll go over that more in depth in a minute.
Punctuation and grammar - This continuity has a slightly higher standard of writing ability than what is shown here. Just like your high school English classes, we are going to request that you utilize appropriate capitalization (the start of a sentence, names, etc) and punctuation (including a discontinuation of the abuse of ellipses). As example, here is a re-writing of your sample post to within the dream's standard without altering the wording:

Tigerfang swims in the river and spots a fish in the water. He tries to latch onto it with his fangs, and succeeds. He swims to the riverbank and begins to wade out, shaking off. As he drops his catch he repeats to himself one of his favorite sayings: "Catch a warrior a fish and they eat for a day; teach a warrior to catch a fish and they eat for a lifetime." He picks his catch up and proceeds towards the remnants of his old clan's camp, only to find it being used again by a new clan. "In all the stars... Who is using the territory of StreamClan?"

While the above would be acceptable, I'd also like to give you an idea of what we would like to see and help you achieve with your writing. Here is a re-writing of your sample post to be within the dream's standard at the average level of our target playerbase, without altering the content:

Tigerfang paddles in the river, focused in spite of the effort required to keep himself afloat in the swift current. It's not long before he acquires his target, silvery and slick beneath the surface of the water. He dives below, securing the fish between his fangs with practiced ease before surfacing again and making his way to the riverbank. As he wades out, he gives his pelt a good shake to remove the weight of the water from his fur. Quite satisfied, he plops his catch onto the ground and praises himself with a favorite saying: "Catch a warrior a fish and they eat for a day; teach a warrior to catch a fish and they eat for a lifetime!" Once he's groomed some more of the water from his fur with quick rasps of his tongue, the fish is retrieved from the riverbank and Tigerfang trots deeper into his former clan's territory, his tail high and proud. Motion within the old camp grounds catches his eye, however, and gives him pause. Was that a cat? "In all the stars... Who is using StreamClan's territory?" he mutters around the prey in his mouth.

I would encourage you to re-read your writing after you are finished with it and ensure that everything makes sense when read as a whole. You will often find things like vague pronoun reference (which is one of the things which made the kittypet section of Tigerfang's history exceedingly difficult to follow), tense shifts, and simple typoes by doing so, and it will allow you to provide greater clarity to your roleplaying peers and make the experience more enjoyable for you and for them.

Edited

Nathaniel Simmons

Jan 23

Please be considerate of my unusual origin...i had to alter the story of my original warriors OC to fit the world of this roleplay